It feels good. It feels right. It feels like I am 10 again. Lordy, remember 10? A simple life. My biggest concern was if a friend could come over and swim. And it was a BIG concern.....at that time. Now, if only that was my biggest concern. Being a mom has changed my view on everything. I don't care as much about things as I used to....I care about these kids, being happy, making their world ok, while at the same time making sure my world is ok. If my world is ok, I will be able to make their world ok. Right?
I find that I hover. Nobody likes a hoverer, except me, I think hovering is great. It is peace of mind, everyone needs peace of mind. I don't always have peace of mind, so if I can get peace of mind through my kids then that is a step in the right direction. Right?
Peace of mind, what in the hell is "peace of mind" anyway? Will a mom ever have "peace of mind"? I learned this week that my son, who is 4, is really quite independent. I am not all that cool anymore, which I find really hard to believe.....I think I am pretty awesome. He would rather play spiderman and iron man with his friends than with me. Rude. So while he is running along playing with his friends I now I have to sit back and hope that he is safe, happy, ok, enjoying himself...so yeah, there goes my "peace of mind."
I guess I can't find peace of mind through my kids so screw it. I have found happiness. I think happiness is the key and I really think everyone should try it. Really what everyone should try is being nice. Have you ever tried to just be nice? Honestly, it isn't that easy. I am nice. I think. Right?
I am not nice all the time, I mean at times people act like morons, and sometimes things annoy me. For example, the fact that there are only 8 hot dog buns, yet there are 10 hot dogs...really that is just ridiculous, it makes no sense. Or when people are late, really late....that is uber annoying. How hard is it to be on time? Did your house catch on fire, did your kid poop all over you as you were walking out the door? NO? Then your excuse is not accepted. But, for the most part I am friendly and nice and try to do the right thing.... although the right thing isn't always easy, or what one chooses to do.
I have done lots of things that aren't the right thing. I smoked a little in high school....that was fun, totally gross, but it made me cool...right? I drank a little (or a lot) in college...that was fun, made me sick a few times, and I was cool (still am)...right? I've lied about where I was or what I was doing....it wasn't anyone's business so that made it ok....right? I drive over the speed limit...who sets the damn speed limits anyway? I got married young (23) that wasn't really the right thing to do, but throwing a wedding was fun. I had babies very quickly after getting married, wasn't the smartest thing I ever did but if I hadn't done it I would have Aiden and Sloane and where would my life be without them? I got divorced at 29, 29! I know, I am such a statistic...
Sometimes the wrong thing isn't always a bad thing. Following your gut and your heart teaches you lessons, guides you through your life, makes you grow up.
I knew I didn't like smoking in high school, totally didn't inhale (call me George), so I stopped. I enjoyed drinking, still do sometimes. I don't enjoy drinking too much, that is a killer the next morning....just ask Bob Evans' bathroom a few months ago....it met my hangover! I don't think drinking is wrong, but I don't do it a lot. I don't have it in me to recover from it every weekend. I don't lie about where I am or what I am doing anymore, I finally realized that if you don't like what I am doing then you should start trying to be nicer (read earlier paragraph). I still drive over the speed limit (I know, I am such a daredevil), I am just a little more careful when I do it. I don't think it is smart, and my gut says slow down when it see's a cop...otherwise I am really ok with this decision. I don't look back on getting married young and think it was a mistake, because then I wouldn't have my kids. Sometimes doing things the wrong way, gives you some amazing blessings.
 |
| love |
 |
| me |
 |
| family |
 |
| my kids |
Anyways, back to what I started with. I'm happy. You should try happy. It takes some work getting there, but once you are there. You will know it too, it just hits you. One day you are all happy and good....it is a great feeling. Love makes me happy, my kids make me happy, family makes me happy, and I make myself happy. If I had a dog I bet it would make me happy too, until it pooped on the floor or tore up the trash or peed on the carpet....you know what, a dog wouldn't make me happy. Keep that in mind people!
