Innocence is where I live. I live such a simple
life. I wake up each morning. Kiss my husband, my kids, my
dog. Get myself ready for work. Make my lunch and leave for
school. I go to work. I pick my kids up from school. We come home,
do homework, play, eat. I give the kids baths. We read books and go to
bed. I crawl into my bed with my husband and do it all again the next
day. Again, a simple life.
It is normal to me. This is what my life is and to me
what the "normal" life is. The reality is that this is nothing normal for most people. There is so much more out there that I guess
I simply choose to ignore. The violence, racism, wars, hate, rape, abuse,
hunger, depression, illness, homelessness…and while I am sure the list could go
on, that is all I have for now. All of this right under my nose, yet I am
fairly clueless about all of it.
I see violence on the news every second of everyday.
Someone is always being murdered, robbed, attacked, raped…. Someone is always
getting arrested and I am almost always unfazed. I was distraught over
Sandy Hook Elementary and how many young children were murdered at the hands of
a lunatic. Yet I read about a man killing another man in an argument over a
female and I am unfazed. Is it because it wasn't a child? Is it
because the violence seems far away from me, even though it is less than 30
miles away? Is it because I am numb to it?
I’m white and while I don’t experience racism daily I see it
often. I think it is easier to sit back
and act like it doesn’t happen, but the reality is it is everywhere. Racism happens to all people not just black
people. I try to live my life without
seeing color, but of course I am not blind so I can actually see color. I try to teach my children the same thing, that
all humans are human no ifs, ands, or buts. However, the reality is racism
happens to people everywhere. Women
don’t get jobs because they are female; when in reality they were just as
capable for the job. The tattooed guy walking down the street makes everyone a
little nervous; when in reality he is a great family guy. The black man with his hood up makes you walk
down the other side of the street, when in reality he’s cold. Everyone assumes the Asian girl is extra
smart when in reality she struggles in school like the rest of us. There are so many stereotypes that occur and
many of them are simply racist. Because
I don’t experience direct racism, being a white female, it doesn’t mean it
isn’t happening. There are things that
are a major problem in our society and there are parents that are raising their
children to be downright mean and hateful to other kids…this I witness often
being a teacher. Even to discuss
democrat and republican parties leads to the most hateful things, all learned
from the mouths of parents. But, again
this does not always faze me. I am once
again numb to the ignorance of so many people in our society. Racism goes so
many ways and I don’t see very many people teaching our children the right
thing. Why is that? Is there more that I can do?
I saw American Sniper
a few days ago. What a transforming
film. It changed the way I look at
soldiers and men and women of the military.
They are by far the most amazing humans that have graced our
planet. While many do not fight in a
war, those that do have literally given their lives (even if they lived) for
us. Whether they wanted to or not, they
gave up part of themselves to fight for us.
The reality is that I have NO IDEA what this means. I can’t wrap my head around the lives that
these people have led. I go to work and
don’t once worry about being hurt. I have NO IDEA what this is like for their
families…the fear they live for the entire time they are gone, must be
intolerable. I am a “worst case
scenario” person so for me, it would literally stop my world if I had to have a
family member in a war. My life is so simple; it is hard for me to understand
what this world would be like. How
selfish is this? Should I be doing more for the soldiers? Does it make me naïve
that it took a movie to make me think more in-depth about the lives they lay on
the line every single day? Does it make me self-centered to think that since
they made it home alive they are “ok”?
rape
I am a teacher. I see students everyday that have next
to nothing. I deal with parents who could not care less about their own
children (generally I deal with the opposite, parents that care too much...I am
a parent that cares too much). I see the effects of this on children. I
see children walking on the street when it is pitch black out because their
parents have no car and aren't worried about their well being. I have
seen children who slept with rats that cats brought in their house. I
have dealt with students who have had lice all year long because nobody at home
actually knows what to do about it. I have seen kids that are hungry,
homeless, alone. Yet, I am almost immune to it. Unfazed by
it. How wrong is that? Does that make me cold? Does it make me selfish?
Am I numb to it after 11 years?
There are so many things that people go through and I have no
idea because my life is my number one concern.
It is amazing to think that there are people who are so sad and so angry
in their own lives that living is just too much. I live a simple life, things are good so my
awareness of people who are low is not what it should be. Do I get sad? Yes. But my life is good! My life is easy. I don’t even know what it is like to live
every day being sad and lonely. People
do this every second of every day. Many times we don’t know they are sad and
lonely until it is just too late. I know
that I am naïve to this, yet there is very little that I do about it. I worry about those close to me. Are they happy? Are they ok? Is there someone that feels low and I don’t
know it? Depression is another thing
that I can’t wrap my head around. I have
experienced a lot (hasn’t everyone?) and I always bounce back. It is hard to understand not bouncing back.
Depression is an illness and I never understood this until
recently. I always associated an illness
with a physical reaction/problem to something.
I have witnessed people sick, to the point of no return and I have
witnessed people sick that have come back and have been given a new start. I hope that I never have to experience
illness with my own family again.
Watching someone die of cancer (or anything at that matter) was awful,
but to have to experience that with a child would be unbearable. I see so many sad stories on facebook every
single day, which I have no understanding of.
I just, again, can’t wrap my head around it. So many things happen to people everyday
while I sit and live my simple life.
For Christmas a couple of years ago Kyle and I helped out a
food bank. It was incredible how many
people are homeless. I was really
impacted by it, that day. I have said I
will do more to help, but I haven’t.
Kyle’s barber has off every Monday and goes and cuts hair for the homeless. How incredible is that? Every single week he does an unbelievably
selfless act, I can’t even donate one day a year?!! I talk with my kids about
how lucky they are to have all that they have, but they don’t truly
understand. Hell, I don’t truly
understand how lucky I am. I have a bad
day and act like it is the end of the world.
I think if I did more for others, I would be able to appreciate the life
I have been given. Now I do work hard,
so every penny that I make I earned, don’t get me wrong. But I do think that if I did more for people
that are not in as good of a situation it would help build perspective. It is
hard to grasp what led all of these people to the path of homelessness. Will I ever truly understand how they go to
that point? Is this possible for
anybody?
When you sit down and look around at all the things we are
surrounded by it is overwhelming. While
there are so many amazing things in this world, there are also devastating
things that are sitting right in front of you.
Sometimes my simple life gets in the way of the reality of so many
others.
