A Deep Rut

I have been a teacher for 12 years.  12. Years!  I don’t feel old enough to even be out of college and I have taught long enough to see multiple students graduate high school and go to college!  It is crazy how quickly the time goes.  You don’t realize it has gone by until you look back and see so many milestones behind you. 

I love working with kids.  I love seeing them learn something new and grasp onto a new idea that they have never thought of before.  I love seeing the excitement in their eyes when they do something well.  I love the break, man I really love the breaks.  I love the amount of time I get to spend with my own kids because my schedule allows for it.  I see parents that don’t get off work until 5 and work in the summer and I simply can’t imagine what that is like.  I am very thankful for what I do. 

I am also tired of what I do.  I am in a rut, deep in a rut, stuck and trying to work my way out.  I really believe it is boredom.  Doing the same thing day after day leads you to feel like a maniac some days. Working with kids can lead some to be bonkers.  It is exhausting knowing that these kids NEED to know what you are teaching but don’t care to actually learn it.  It is exhausting meeting the needs and them re-meeting the needs of kids day after day after day.  I am finding that I am losing my patience for repeating myself. 

I wonder how people like my mom and grandma did this for well over 30 years.  I can’t imagine making it to twenty years in this day and age.  I will say, in my defense, that education has changed in the measly 12 years I have been teaching.  The focus has moved away from teach kids to love school and learn math to make kids pass a test over all the standards that is given in February.

There have always been standardized tests.  I remember taking them in 5^th grade…you know the kind where you tore open the test with your pencil?  Maybe that was just a Texas thing. 

I don’t have the answer for why schools have so drastically changed, but I do know that I don’t love it like I did back in 2004 when I started.  I hope that the spark gets back to me sometime because this truly can be a rewarding job.  When moral is low it impacts ones desire to do well.  My hope is that a light switches and I can get back to the passion that drove me.