A Good Friend

As you grow up, you make new friends. This starts from the minute you are born. You meet new people every day and pick and choose who you hit it off with. It is always interesting to look back on your life and see the friends you made along the way. It has been fun as a mom to watch my children make friends at each stage of their young lives.

You have different types of friends; friends at work, friends at school, friends from your parents, friends from forever, friends through friends, the list goes on.

As you progress through different stages of your life your friends begin to change. I don't think through any fault of anyone, they just simply change. Life is different at all times and the people you surround yourself with change with the different stages you are at. Some people are lucky enough to have friends that are with them at all stages, and play a role in all parts of their lives. While this is ideal, to have someone or a group of people that are there and know you like you know yourself, this isn't always common.

I am one of those lucky ones, I have made a lot of friends in my 33 years, but my closest friends are the friends that I have known since I moved to Indiana in sixth grade. However, the reality is at this stage in our lives our focus is not to each other like it once was. Our focus is our husbands, our children, our family, our work, our simple lives. Sometimes it is hard to adjust to that new focus. It is different than it once was, as it should be.

While your friends are an amazing part of growing up, they shift and change as life grows and what you are left with are the people that really want to be there for you. The people that you can pick up the phone and call when you need someone to listen or to help you. The people that will drop everything and really come to your aide, or the people that don't always put themselves first. Those are really the people you want to be surrounded by, not just 'friends'. In most peoples lives they can count those 'true friends' on one hand.

It will be my job to teach my children what a friend looks and acts like. Teaching them to be kind is one thing but teaching them to be a good friend is something totally different. I have always seen myself as a good friend, but I am sure there are things I could have and should have done better in past friendships. Being a good friend is hard and you have to choose who deserves your friendship, who reciprocates your friendship, who really sees you as someone they are going to be there for. It is a hard realization to learn that someone may not choose you, but the sooner you see it and embrace it the sooner you can find those people that truly want to be a part of your life.

I will say there are very few people I look back on and think I did not do enough as their friend. If my children can say that then they've done well, and in turn I have done my job.

A simple 'Thank You'

My kids never say 'thank you'. Ever.  It makes me a tad crazy.  We do a lot for our kids, every single day.  We do all the little things, to make their life easier.  We help them get out of bed, we help them get dressed, we help them put toothpaste on their toothbrush, we help them get breakfast/snacks/lunch/snacks/dinner, we help them take baths and showers, we help them do their homework, we help them put on their shoes, we help them find things, we help them read books, we help them with every part of their life and I don't think my kids EVER say thank you.

I always make them say 'please' and 'thank you' with strangers and with friends, but why do I never do this with myself. I think the thing that shocks me the most is when they do actually say 'thank you'...why am I so excited when a child finally tells me 'thank you'?  Should I be that excited to hear words that should naturally be said every day?

I have never been bothered by their lack of manners until this morning.  Something happened that burned my ass and I tell you what, it was like a lightbulb went off.  Did either of my kids say thank you for ONE thing I did this morning?  The answer was no.  It was 6:40 in the morning and by this time I had already helped wake them up, helped them get dressed, helped them do their hair and brush their teeth, helped them get their lunches in their backpacks, helped them get their shoes on, and helped them find breakfast. Not one thank you. Not. One.

I went into lecture mode, which means nobody heard a word I said.  It makes me sad how hard I work to make their lives easy and fun and I get nothing in return.  Yes, I have kids that love me and truly need me, but they don't appreciate much.  They aren't thankful for the life they have.  They are never satisfied which makes me think I have done something horribly wrong along the way.

I have led them to believe that they don't need to be thankful. I have led them to believe that they are entitled to this wonderful life they have been given.  I have led them to believe that no matter what they can have and get what they want without having to work hard and be appreciative.

Something has got to change. As a teacher I see this every second of everyday.  I see kids that believe they don't have to work hard to get the things that they want.  I see kids given everything hand over foot with no care in the world as to how hard someone has worked to make sure that they are blessed with a great life. I see kids feeling entitled to get things that they did nothing to earn.

I don't want my kids to be those kids.  I want my kids to be thankful, appreciative, and kind.  And right now, they are not.