Innocence

Innocence is where I live.  I live such a simple life.  I wake up each morning.  Kiss my husband, my kids, my dog.  Get myself ready for work.  Make my lunch and leave for school.  I go to work.  I pick my kids up from school. We come home, do homework, play, eat.  I give the kids baths. We read books and go to bed.  I crawl into my bed with my husband and do it all again the next day.  Again, a simple life.

It is normal to me.  This is what my life is and to me what the "normal" life is.  The reality is that this is nothing normal for most people.  There is so much more out there that I guess I simply choose to ignore.  The violence, racism, wars, hate, rape, abuse, hunger, depression, illness, homelessness…and while I am sure the list could go on, that is all I have for now. All of this right under my nose, yet I am fairly clueless about all of it.

I see violence on the news every second of everyday.  Someone is always being murdered, robbed, attacked, raped…. Someone is always getting arrested and I am almost always unfazed.  I was distraught over Sandy Hook Elementary and how many young children were murdered at the hands of a lunatic. Yet I read about a man killing another man in an argument over a female and I am unfazed.  Is it because it wasn't a child?  Is it because the violence seems far away from me, even though it is less than 30 miles away? Is it because I am numb to it?

I’m white and while I don’t experience racism daily I see it often.  I think it is easier to sit back and act like it doesn’t happen, but the reality is it is everywhere.  Racism happens to all people not just black people.  I try to live my life without seeing color, but of course I am not blind so I can actually see color.  I try to teach my children the same thing, that all humans are human no ifs, ands, or buts. However, the reality is racism happens to people everywhere.  Women don’t get jobs because they are female; when in reality they were just as capable for the job. The tattooed guy walking down the street makes everyone a little nervous; when in reality he is a great family guy.  The black man with his hood up makes you walk down the other side of the street, when in reality he’s cold.  Everyone assumes the Asian girl is extra smart when in reality she struggles in school like the rest of us.  There are so many stereotypes that occur and many of them are simply racist.  Because I don’t experience direct racism, being a white female, it doesn’t mean it isn’t happening.  There are things that are a major problem in our society and there are parents that are raising their children to be downright mean and hateful to other kids…this I witness often being a teacher.  Even to discuss democrat and republican parties leads to the most hateful things, all learned from the mouths of parents.  But, again this does not always faze me.  I am once again numb to the ignorance of so many people in our society. Racism goes so many ways and I don’t see very many people teaching our children the right thing.  Why is that?  Is there more that I can do?

I saw American Sniper a few days ago.  What a transforming film.  It changed the way I look at soldiers and men and women of the military.  They are by far the most amazing humans that have graced our planet.  While many do not fight in a war, those that do have literally given their lives (even if they lived) for us.  Whether they wanted to or not, they gave up part of themselves to fight for us.  The reality is that I have NO IDEA what this means.  I can’t wrap my head around the lives that these people have led.  I go to work and don’t once worry about being hurt. I have NO IDEA what this is like for their families…the fear they live for the entire time they are gone, must be intolerable.  I am a “worst case scenario” person so for me, it would literally stop my world if I had to have a family member in a war. My life is so simple; it is hard for me to understand what this world would be like.  How selfish is this? Should I be doing more for the soldiers? Does it make me naïve that it took a movie to make me think more in-depth about the lives they lay on the line every single day? Does it make me self-centered to think that since they made it home alive they are “ok”?

rape

I am a teacher.  I see students everyday that have next to nothing.  I deal with parents who could not care less about their own children (generally I deal with the opposite, parents that care too much...I am a parent that cares too much). I see the effects of this on children.  I see children walking on the street when it is pitch black out because their parents have no car and aren't worried about their well being.  I have seen children who slept with rats that cats brought in their house.  I have dealt with students who have had lice all year long because nobody at home actually knows what to do about it.  I have seen kids that are hungry, homeless, alone.  Yet, I am almost immune to it.  Unfazed by it.  How wrong is that? Does that make me cold? Does it make me selfish? Am I numb to it after 11 years?

There are so many things that people go through and I have no idea because my life is my number one concern.  It is amazing to think that there are people who are so sad and so angry in their own lives that living is just too much.  I live a simple life, things are good so my awareness of people who are low is not what it should be.  Do I get sad? Yes. But my life is good!  My life is easy.  I don’t even know what it is like to live every day being sad and lonely.  People do this every second of every day. Many times we don’t know they are sad and lonely until it is just too late.  I know that I am naïve to this, yet there is very little that I do about it.  I worry about those close to me.  Are they happy? Are they ok?  Is there someone that feels low and I don’t know it?  Depression is another thing that I can’t wrap my head around.  I have experienced a lot (hasn’t everyone?) and I always bounce back.  It is hard to understand not bouncing back.

Depression is an illness and I never understood this until recently.  I always associated an illness with a physical reaction/problem to something.  I have witnessed people sick, to the point of no return and I have witnessed people sick that have come back and have been given a new start.  I hope that I never have to experience illness with my own family again.  Watching someone die of cancer (or anything at that matter) was awful, but to have to experience that with a child would be unbearable.  I see so many sad stories on facebook every single day, which I have no understanding of.  I just, again, can’t wrap my head around it.  So many things happen to people everyday while I sit and live my simple life. 

For Christmas a couple of years ago Kyle and I helped out a food bank.  It was incredible how many people are homeless.  I was really impacted by it, that day.  I have said I will do more to help, but I haven’t.  Kyle’s barber has off every Monday and goes and cuts hair for the homeless.  How incredible is that?  Every single week he does an unbelievably selfless act, I can’t even donate one day a year?!! I talk with my kids about how lucky they are to have all that they have, but they don’t truly understand.  Hell, I don’t truly understand how lucky I am.  I have a bad day and act like it is the end of the world.  I think if I did more for others, I would be able to appreciate the life I have been given.  Now I do work hard, so every penny that I make I earned, don’t get me wrong.  But I do think that if I did more for people that are not in as good of a situation it would help build perspective. It is hard to grasp what led all of these people to the path of homelessness.  Will I ever truly understand how they go to that point?  Is this possible for anybody?

When you sit down and look around at all the things we are surrounded by it is overwhelming.  While there are so many amazing things in this world, there are also devastating things that are sitting right in front of you.  Sometimes my simple life gets in the way of the reality of so many others.