"If I only knew then what I know now."
Sayings are annoying, especially the old timey ones that kind of make you want to punch someone in the throat. Truth is they are annoying because they are true. I don't like being slapped with reality.
Kyle and I were talking at the lake (we had A LOT of time to talk) and we realized that the cruelest part of life is not knowing what you need to know until after it's needed.
At the age of 30 I became very confident and happy with who I am as a person. I accepted me for me and it felt great. I still worry about things I can't control, I still worry about people, and what people think....but all in all I am so happy with who I am as a person. I like myself. I like me. It took 30 years to get there and that is cruel. Why couldn't I have felt like this at 14, or 19, or 23? Do you know how much easier my teenage years would have been if I felt the way I feel now?
As a teenager so many kids happiness is based on others and how others make them feel. I watch Kailyn, who is 13, and I want to just take my 31 year old thoughts of me and make them hers. I don't want her to base her happiness on how others see her, I want her to base her happiness on HER, nobody but her. She doesn't do this yet, but I hope that she learns this lesson far before 30.
I have these same thoughts for Sloane and Aiden. I wonder what it will be like for Aiden as he grows. I am a girl, not a boy, boys had cooties and were stinky so I have no concept for what being a teenage boy is like. A teenage girl's life is hard. It is so hard, only a teenage girl can get it.
I am thankful for the me now. I like her. I think I am pretty awesome. I think I am really damn funny. I am confident in myself. I am thankful for finally knowing now what I wish I had known then.
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