Why I love what I do....

My job isn't hard.  It is fun.  It is meaningful.  It is time consuming.  It is rewarding.  It is exhausting, but it isn't hard.  I can honestly say that I am really good at what I do.  I wish I was more patient.  I wish I was a little less loud.  I wish my kids understood my jokes.  I wish kids listened more.  But, overall I feel like this is what I should be doing.  I don't compliment myself on a lot, and I always feel like I could do better at everything I do (including teaching) but I think that compared to a lot of teachers I am good (yes, I could be better). 

There are days that are much better than others.  There are times where I am over it.  There are times that I wish I could do my job without having to deal with kids (try to explain that to a non-teacher and they will never get it, but it is true). 

I love the way kids grow.  I love how naturally caring and giving (SOME) kids are.  I love when a light comes on for a child.  I love how they hear things that you never even realized you said.  I love the way they want to tell you everything (I dread Sloane and Aiden telling their teachers everything).  I love how they complain that things are hard, yet do great on things.  I love how they are comfortable with me.  I love when they think I am mean, yet they know this is not true.  I love when I am able to relate to a child (and it is crazy how you can relate to so many kids).

I have a child in my class who brought me 25+ toy dinosaurs today.  Yesterday in a lesson we were talking about meteors and how a scientists hypothesize that a giant meteor wiped out the dinosaurs.  I shared with the class (as a side note, I have lots of side notes while teaching) that Aiden LOVES dinosaurs but most videos we watch end with a meteor hitting the planet and all the dinosaurs dying.  That was it, that was the extend of my conversation and today in walks a kiddo with all his toy dinosaurs that he doesn't play with anymore.  He wanted Aiden to have them.  They care (some don't).  They listen (some don't). 

You better bet your hiney I Cloroxed those suckers.  :)  I love my job....but I hate germs.

Little Miss Temper

I remember when Maddi (my first encounter of aunt-hood) was a little person she was so perfect (she still really is).  But she turned 3 and became a not so perfect little person.  We really believed that we had hit the luck button with this chick because she did NOT go through the terrible two's.  We spoke too soon....I remember thinking I was gonna have to sell her if her parents left her alone with me once she turned 3.  She would melt down over anything and everything!  WEELLLLLLL, 5 years later (she is now 8) she has a wonderful little cousin, (my gem) Sloane.

Sloane is on the brink of three.  Three, how does that happen so fast?  Two was pretty easy with this girl. She was always pretty easy going....especially as a baby.  Now? Not.So.Much.

She melts down at the drop of a hat.  Anything and everything sets this child off.

If her socks are on crooked, you would think that I put baby spiders in them before I put them on.

She wants a fruit snack and is told to hang on a second, you would think I told her that Santa is never visiting again.

You want to help her wash the shampoo out of her hair during bath time.  How dare you, it is like splashing poisonous water all over her body.

She wants to do a puzzle but the first piece doesn't fit the WRONG piece, call in the troops she is losing her mind.

I have actually videoed her melting down.  She loves to watch it.  Thinks it's pretty awesome.  Sloane usually laughs a little, then says, "I siwwwwy." Yes dear, you are silly.

Last night her, Aiden and I were playing a game.  We were each taking turns rolling the race cars into a bucket (sounds enthralling right?!?).  When it wasn't my turn Sloane would rub my face and tell me it's not my turn, but it's ok.  She would say, "I love you mommy, but it not your turn." She would say this the entire time until it was my turn.  She melted me.  She finds ways to remind me each day why I love her so.

During this game Aiden also showed his mature 5 year old side.  Sloane melted down (what? Sloane? no way!) about wanting it to be HER turn and wanting to use Aiden's car.... my little Aiden let her go AND AND AND AND AND gave her HIS car to use.  He was desperate for her to play without melting down.  He is a great kid.  He will be a great kid.

I am a lucky mom.  I get the joy of the meltdowns but I also get the joy of all the happy moments. I love getting to know more and more about my kids each day.  One of the great parts of being a mom. 

I Was Here

This video is a little dramatic and beyonce's butt is looks HUGE but this song is incredible!

 I Was Here, by Beyonce

This song represents what most people I have surrounded myself by feel. We want to feel like we have done something, left our mark, given our all, and done our best.  I can honestly say that everyone around me has done what is in this song for me. My life is better because of you. You are all in my life for a reason, and I love that.

My mom, her mark will always be left with me.  I have learned and continue to learn from that woman each day.
My dad, where would I be without that man?  He is who I want to be.  He has taught me more than he will ever understand.  
My brother, he is so far away yet so close to my heart.  I know he is a call away for me to complain, tell a funny story, or just chat.  I love that I have him.  His kids, his wife...they complete my family.  They are and will always be my people, just like Aiden and Sloane.
Aiden and Sloane, lordy how they have left a huge mark on my life.  They are the true proof that I have made a difference in someones life.  They are me.  They are my world.  They are more than I ever thought I could be.
Kyle, he is my soulmate.  He allows me to live and to love.  To be a the person I always wanted to be.  To feel whole and happy.  To feel safe and right.  To make me feel alive and be a better person each day.  I hope that everyone has a chance to feel the love that this man gives me.
Lucy, she makes me a better mom.  I see the things she does and that makes me want to do more and be more for my people. I love that I have her.  I love the way she keeps our family close to her heart.
Bebe and Papa, they taught me peace.  They also shared their love with me.  Bebe is there, loves me, loves my kids just like her own.  I live and I love the way she has lived and loved.
My friends, oh my friends.  I have a lot of them (like 6 or 7 because I am awesome).  I love all of them, so very dearly.  I learn from them.  WE have left our mark on lots of places, things, people.  They are more than I ever imagined.  They bring me happiness and laughter each and every second.  I am very lucky.
Danielle and Micki, we are more than any other family is.  We are so abnormal and I love that we have what we have.  I wrote a blog post on my previous blog about how rare it is to have a family like ours....I still believe that.  I will always take our abnormal ways over other peoples traditional way. 
Kippi and Donna, they are like having extra moms. Most aunts aren't like my aunts.  I strive to be like them so Maddi and Colton have what I have.  I want those two kids to know that I was here, and I have done for them just like my aunts did for me.
Leslie (happy birthday sister), I will tell you that when you listen to this song you will think of her.  You will see her.  You will hear her singing this.  I am pretty certain that she in some form or fashion wrote this song for us to hear.  This epitomizes her, who she was, who she will always be in our hearts.  Leslie changed our lives in many ways, when she was here and when she left us.  She made us live before she died and continues to make us live.  I miss her.  I wonder what my life would have been like had we had her here all these years.  Listen to this song, think of her.  Then think of yourself and ask does this song fit you?
Here are the lyrics to the song if you don't watch the video.  Again I highly recommend watching it, if not just to see her giant hiney.....

I wanna leave my footprints on the sands of time Know there was something that, meant something that I left behind When I leave this world, I'll leave no regrets Leave something to remember, so they won't forget
I was here I lived, I loved I was here I did, I've done, everything that I wanted And it was more than I thought it would be I will leave my mark so everyone will know I was here
I want to say I lived each day, until I die And know that I meant something in, somebody's life The hearts I have touched, will be the proof that I leave That I made a difference, and this world will see
I was here I lived, I loved I was here I did, I've done, everything that I wanted And it was more than I thought it would be I will leave my mark so everyone will know
I was here I lived, I loved I was here I did, I've done, everything that I wanted And it was more than I thought it would be I will leave my mark so everyone will know I was here
I just want them to know That I gave my all, did my best Brought someone to happiness Left this world a little better just because
I was here
I was here I lived, I loved I was here I did, I've done, everything that I wanted And it was more than I thought it would be I wanna leave my mark so everyone will know I was here.

there are no words

Heartbreak.  I felt it all weekend.  I can’t stop empathizing with the families from Connecticut.  I see Aiden and Sloane in every one of those little faces.  I see myself in every one of those adults. 

I read a blog article yesterday called What Six Looks Like, it was as if someone climbed in my head and unscrambled all my thoughts of this tragedy.  If you have a chance, please read it.  

To sum up what she said in a couple of sentences (I am a brilliant summarizer) she said that six is simple.  Six is fun.  Six is easy.  Six loves cookies and ice cream for dinner and six loves playing in the rain.  Six loves to laugh and whine and throw little fits.  Six is supposed to be the beginning.   But for those twenty six and sevens, it was the end.  What I liked about this article is that it didn't make me cry for those babies, it made me realize what six is.  I look at Aiden sometimes and expect BIG things from him....he is five.  Five isn't a mind reader.  Five isn't a chef.  Five isn't independent.  Five is easy.  Five is carefree.  Five is not responsible.  Five is fun.

I can’t stop thinking about how those innocent children must have felt.  How scared they must have been.  How brave those women were.  How quickly all of those lives were taken.  How sad their families are and forever will be.  How heartbroken that community is.  And how changed the world is….TODAY.

Will we stay affected?  Will we make any changes?  Are there changes to make?  Will this happen again?  Will my kids be safe? Will I be safe? Who will answer all of my questions? 

There has been lots of shootings since Columbine, which was the first shooting that directly affected me.  I was in high school at that time.  I remember watching the media coverage of all the students running out of that building with their hands on their heads.  It was life changing to watch, for me.  I believe it had to have been life changing for all people to watch, but here we are 13 years later and there has been over 30 school shootings since that date. I bet you can’t name them.  I can’t.  I can’t tell you any other school shooting than Virginia Tech. So was Columbine really life changing for me? Did those teenagers and one teacher die for nothing? 

Has our world become so numb to shootings that we don’t even remember them?  Are we that ok with how are world works that we don’t find it to be a big deal until 27 peoples lives are lost due to one human?

Something has to be done.  Something.  I don't have the anwers.  I don't even think I have any ideas.  But what I know is that I love my kids at home and I love my kids at school.  How can I look at all of their faces and tell them they are safe, when they may not be?  

I squeeze my (at home) kids tighter now.  I kiss them more (which they really get annoyed with).  As much as Newtown has devastated me, I am so lucky.  I empathize with each one of those families. I can't and don't ever want to imagine their grief.

It's ok to be sad

Every Sunday is bittersweet for me.  I either wake up knowing that I will pick Aiden and Sloane up from their dads or wake up knowing I will drop Aiden and Sloane off with their dad.  On the days that I drop them off, I am sad.  Sad that I won't see them that night.  Sad that I won't tuck them in bed.  Sad that I won't read them their nightly story or sing them their nightly songs.  Sad that I won't know exactly what is going on in their little lives.

I chose my life.  I chose my divorce.  I chose for my kids to grow up like this.  So is it ok to be sad?  I believe it is.

I am ok with being sad anytime I am away from them.  I am ok with being sad anticipating being away from them.

I worry about their little souls all the time.  It is what parents do....we worry (see first blog).

I have accepted that it is ok to be sad. My decisions will always impact theirs, but I will do my best to make sure that my decisions positively impact their well being. Every parent wants happy and healthy children.  Lucky for me, I have that.  I will do my best to keep that.

kids and their friends

Aiden and his long time (of 5 years) friend Pressley came home with us from school the other day.  On our way home Pressley told Aiden all about the movie she saw that weekend.  It warmed my heart listening to them talk to each other and listen to what the other way saying.  Pressley told Aiden all about it and Aiden asked her questions, like grown ups.  It was neat to hear.  I had an instant, 'oh wow stop growing up' moment.

We went to the park after school---where we froze our rears off. 

Yesterday we went to the park with Amanda and her kiddos, where we didn't freeze b/c it was 70 degrees out.  I loved watching Aiden and Cecelia come up with games to play.  Aiden does a great job of including other kids (even though he would rather be playing football and wrestling).  Aiden, Sloane, and Cealy played Red Light/Green Light which was AWESOME to watch.  I love all these kids!

Broken Thumb

Aiden had a little accident with a bar stool last week.  He was standing under it and it fell forward....his little thumb was smashed in between the ground and the leg of the stool.  It immediately turned purple, but didn't swell up.  We "iced" it with corn, which you would have thought was poisonous.  He went to sleep later that night.....and slept ALL night. 

When we got up for school the next morning....wellllllll it was REALLY swollen.  REALLLLLY swollen.  I got him up, gave him some tylenol and said "alright bud, it will be ok let's go to school."  As soon as I dropped him off at school I had immediate guilt.  I felt like a terrible mother.  I called the school secretary and said I needed a sub.....dropped off Sloane....called Rebecca Matthews (my old co-worker who works at Aiden's school) and had her go get Aiden out of class and take him to her classroom....got to school....wrote my sub plans.....waited on the sub.  As soon as the sub got to school, I bolted.  Got to his school, picked him up, took him to medcheck and sat in the parking lot waiting for it to open.  Why was I rushing around?  I guess I should have checked med check's hours.

 We were second into the doctor....xrays done....

Fractured thumb....the tip of his thumb was fractured.  Awesome....call me MOM OF THE YEAR.  We went straight to a specialist to make sure that the fracture wasn't on a growth plate.  He has a metal brace thing that goes over his thumb.

He couldn't suck his thumb, which I thought was a blessing in disguise.  NOT....he is now a finger sucker.  Even BETTER.