Never Enough Patience

My patience gets worn.  It is exhausting being a mom.  It is exhausting having to constantly have answers and be on your game.  I lose my patience on a daily basis. I would like to learn how to control my reactions to my kids, which I haven’t done that yet.  I am very reactive to my kids and I hate that about myself.  I have a hard time stepping back and taking a breath before saying what needs (or in some cases doesn't need) to be said. 

However, being reactive leads to exciting things as well.  Everything is a celebration. I get super excited when they do things and I love my reaction when they share something new. You got an A on a spelling test? Jumping around the kitchen! You were on purple at school? Ice cream! You mastered your round off? Mom will do one too! You scored in your game? I am screaming on the sidelines.  Everything is a big deal, which means when things aren’t always sugar and spice that is a big deal too. 

I don’t handle not listening well.  It is the kryptonite that leads to some ugly things in my house.  My kids have the world’s most magical selective hearing.  They don’t hear me say put your shoes on or brush your teeth, but they can hear me unwrap a candy bar from a different room. It is truly a gift of theirs.

I lose my patience with them daily.  Luckily for me we are forgiving people. I forgive them for never listening and they forgive me for being “mean.”

I wonder at what point will they actually start to follow directions.  I wonder if I have done something wrong as their mother along the way.  I wonder if  it is me that has made them think they don’t have to listen when I speak.  The other thing I have noticed as a mom is it is really hard to forgive yourself when you overreact to something.  We never want our kids to be sad and when we are the one responsible for them being sad it is painful.  Forgiveness is key on both ends. 

I wouldn’t trade being a mom for anything in the world, I have learned more about myself than I ever knew possible.  The love these kids have given me is unexplainable. 

I am thankful for children that are loving and accepting.  I am thankful for new starts to each day.  I am thankful for friends and a husband that can talk me off a ledge any day of the week.

all the things i said....

I told myself that this is how I would do things when I had kids....then I had kids and I told myself to shut up.  I realized that my non-kid self was dumb.

non-kid self: I will not spank.
mom-self: yeah right.

non-kid self: They will eat what I make.
mom-self: I just make what they will eat.

non-kid self: I will make them sleep in their beds and cry it out.
mom-self: Climb in and I will spoon you.

non-kid self: I will leave where I am if my kid throws a fit.
mom-self: Nope, I just keep on walking as if it isn't happening.

non-kid self: I will not pick my kids' noses or lick my finger to clean off their face.
mom-self: Everyday I pick someone nose (other than my own) and lick my finger to clean their face off..I am not proud of this but it is the reality.

non-kid self: I will NEVER, NEVER, NEVER drive a van. EVER.
mom-self: I have no intentions of driving a van. Have you been IN a van?? There is so much room!!!

non-kid self: We will do our homework RIGHT after school everyday to get it done.
mom-self: We will almost always do our homework right after school, but sometimes the weather is nice or Mom is tired or you are in a bad mood and I don't want to argue....either way it will get done.

non-kid self: I will make my kids clean up and have chores
mom-self: I will pick my battles and I clean up way better than any kid in my house anyway!

non-kid self: I will never let my child wear that in public.
mom-self: You're wearing that? Ok, let's go!

non-kid self: My kid is not allowed to play football, it is too dangerous.
mom-self: Another weekend, another football game.  He loves it, we support HIM.

non-kid self: I won't send my kids to their room...that's where their toys are!
mom-self: Go to your room. Now.

non-kid self: I will not spoil my kids, it makes for bratty children.
mom-self: I spoil my kids.  If I can then I will.

Happy Anniversary (plus a few weeks)

A year later I am happier than I was the day we got married.  I am more stable than I was the day I walked up the stairs to say "I do".  I am more confident than I was the day I kissed my husband for the first time.  I can honestly say it has been a great year.  A great year filled with true love.  I am so head over heels in love with my husband and am so thankful to have that constant desire to be near him.  It is stronger now than it was then and I love that.

We celebrated our anniversary as a family.  Considering when we got married we weren't just bringing two people together we brought along the Brady Bunch to join us in this ride. We felt it was only appropriate to celebrate our anniversary as a family....also known as "famiversary."  We went to dinner at the same place we had our "after wedding dinner...." and it was delicious! Since the wedding gift for your first anniversary (according to the world wide web) is supposed to be paper we stuck with that tradition and simply gave each other cards. We wrote letters to each kid telling them how we felt about this year, so they got to experience the "first year" gift as well.  We will continue these yearly gifts (according the world wide web) until it gets to diamonds at which point I will be recieving a gift and everyone else can sit and watch me open it!  After dinner we went bowling, which was super fun.  Bailey would argue that "fun" isn't the word she would pick...but I do think the whole family had a blast!  I am lucky to call this bunch mine and I look forward to all the excitement that the coming year will bring!

Happy One Year anniversary to us!

Aiden is 7!

The boy is SEVEN! I am a little late on his birthday post, but better late than never.  Aiden is officially a seven year old.  Crazy to think that in 3 years he will be 10.  Then 3 years after that he will be a teenager.  Time flies!

I love this kid, absolutely love him.  He has me wrapped around his finger and I couldn't be more ok with it.  I love his passion for drawing.  I love his passion for learning about spiders and snakes.  I love his passion for every sport he tries. I love his passion for snacking. I love his passion for always being right.  I love his passion for arguing.  I love his passion for snuggling. I really just love him, everything about him.

He loves to be outside and play football.  Aiden loves football, absolutely loves it.  But he starts basketball this week, so his passion will push forward to basketball during basketball season.  And in the spring, it will push through to baseball.  He loves these three sports and I couldn't be more proud of the effort he puts forth into those three things. 

School is not Aiden's favorite place.  He says he loves lunch time (duh, who doesn't).  He loves to hang with his buddies and talk about gross stuff.  He doesn't love to sit in class and learn but he enjoys math.  He does well at counting, adding, subtracting, and making number sense.  Reading isn't his strongest thing, but he gets better every day!

I am so proud to be this kid's mom.  I look at him everyday and thank my lucky stars that he is mine.  I have big hopes for him and know that he has big hopes for himself.  I can't believe that 7 years ago I became a mom.  He came into this world and changed everything I thought I already knew.

that old saying....

You know the old saying, “A picture is worth a thousand words”? Well I have a new one….”If a picture is worth a thousand words, than a video is worth a million!”

There are so many times in my life when something happens that desperately needs to be shared with the world, but there is no amount of words that can truly explain what occurred.  There is no picture that can put into words what you witnessed, but if it is videod, wheeeeewwwweeeee could I tell my story. 

I really think this pertains to Sloane in many ways.  A person truly can’t grasp the magnitude of her personality unless you see it in action. 

This also pertains to a group of people that are listening to live music.  There is something about live music/bands that make people just lose their wits about themselves and go for it.  While I can appreciate their ability to go all out and enjoy themselves, there is a fine line between WOAH and CUTE.  There are no words to express what you witness when people feel the music.  The only way for one to truly understand the things that are happening around you is to see it with your own eyes.  

****Before all my readers (I stole KB’s line….) go all judgy on me…I do realize that I have made a fool of myself a time or two in my day, but there is a FINE LINE, yes a fine line, which I try hard not to cross.  I do LOVE LOVE LOVE when people cross that line, because it makes for some magical entertainment.

I am an amazing people watcher, some call me a person that stares, I prefer “people watcher,” it is more PC.  Kyle and I can sit at dinner and create amazing stories about the people around us.  We know their background, how they are feeling, what they are thinking….all from our people watching skills.

I want to Thank Moon Dog Tavern for inspiring this blog post.  If it wasn’t for the amazing talent on the dance floor that night I am not sure that “all my readers” would be as enlightened as they are at this moment.  I would also like to thank my parents for giving me the “people watching gene” …. I can never repay you for that!

Gami visits

My mom came in town for Natasha's wedding a couple of weeks ago.  She stayed with us while she was here, which is always nice.  When she leaves Kyle and I become quite helpless because she does so much while she is here.  I haven't done a load of laundry in over two weeks....I haven't washed a dish or unloaded the dishwasher in over two weeks. Yep, I am that daughter!

The kids love having Gami here.  Not only because they just simply love Gami, but Gami gives them whatever their little hearts desire.  You want a cookie for breakfast? Ok.  You want candy before dinner? Sure! You want to take your blankey to school? Of course!  Gami is a typical Grandma!  She loves my kids to the moon and back and let's them get away with murder.

Aiden and Sloane are always sad to see her leave, but they never really understand it until she is gone.  Yesterday when Gami wasn't home after school they were so confused.... It is bitter sweet that they don't understand.  I never want my kids to be sad when she leaves but they also don't know how to appreciate the time they have when she is here.

Gami does a lot for my family and I will forever be grateful for that.  She is amazing and deserves that lovely retired life she is living.

My Little Sloane

Sloane has the worlds biggest personality!  She is so animated and has so many faces and stories that she could have her own reality TV show.  I feel like she could go so far in this world if the right things happen for her!  She has such charisma and spunk that everybody should get to meet her.  I am clearly biased and feel like she is amazing....but whatev.

I wish I had a better memory to share all the things Sloane says and does...because she is quite funny. She doesn't know it, but she is.  She just always has something to say and something to do that makes people laugh....even though she is usually not trying to be funny.  Usually her little reactions are all drama, which is what is so funny.

My mom was laying with Sloane the other night before bed.  Sloane wasn’t quite ready to go to sleep so she was wallering (I think I made this word up...) all over.  Mom tells Sloane (at least 10 times) that  she needs to lay down so she can go to sleep.  Until eventually Sloane says, "Gami, you just need to get up!"  

Sloane is just a character in all she does.  She is very dramatic and VERY opinionated (don't know where she gets that). She is very interested in her hair and lipstick and clothes and all things girl.  This drives some people crazy, but I LOVE it.  I love that she loves that stuff. I love that I have somebody to shop with and somebody to get my nails done with.  I am sure I have created a monster, but man I love her!  

I bought Sloane a new fall jacket one weekend when she was at her dads.  That afternoon I was with her at Aiden's football game so I took her to the car and showed her her new fall jacket..... I couldn't handle how cute it was and needed her to see it!  She took one look at it and said she didn’t like it (which was ridiculous because it was super cute)!! She then proceeded to tear up and say that she won't wear that, ever. So I told her that it is very cute and whether she likes it or not it is hers to keep her warm when it is cold. I explained that (through her tears and constant interruptions) there are children all over the country that don't get new jackets and new clothes and she should be very thankful.  I told her that there are kids that would do anything to have a new jacket like that....she proceeds to look at me (with the most amazing little eyes) and proceeds to giggle and say, "Oh mommy, you are funny!" She has no clue....

Sloane is sweet....she is loving...she loves to sing and dance and be the center of attention.....she doesn't enjoy playing with other kids (a lot)....she doesn't like to share her time between friends....she prefers all attention from or on one person....She loves her cousin Madison and would spend every second playing with her.... 

I love this girl!  

my guard dog

Tex has been quite the addition to our family.  He is such a great dog.  He gets a little hyper with his mouth at times (meaning he nips to play) but otherwise he is such a great dog.  I would nip too if I had Aiden, Sloane, and Kyle always blowing in my face and grabbing at me. (:

Tex stays with us outside and loves to just wonder around the yard.  He comes (most of the time) when we call him.  He gets excited when we get home and loves to be lazy with us.  He loves to play and go on walks but doesn't ever want to overdue himself --he sounds like me. He is just all around an awesome dog.

He never sleeps in our bed, in fact he rarely will come and lay with us when we are in bed.  I would like for him to sleep in our room (on the floor) with us, but he prefers the couch or his crate. 

Last night Kyle was out of town.  I was NOT looking forward to sleeping in our house alone (no kids and Tex tucked on the couch).  Last night Tex climbed on our bed and slept right next to me.  He totally knew that Kyle wasn't home and I needed him.  He read my mind, it was crazy.  He slept RIGHT next to me all night long and when the alarm went off this morning he looked at me like, 'uh excuse me, turn that sh!t off!'

He was probably a little annoyed that i took a pic (with flash) of him at 6 am

I love this dog!  He is so great with the kids and loves us unconditionally.  I want to clone him and make him live forever!

i like THAT mom

I am that mom.  I yell at Aiden's football games as if I were watching the Dallas Cowboys win the Super Bowl (and while that is NOT going to happen anytime soon it would be super exciting).  Aiden makes me proud and he works really hard on the field so it is fun watching him play.  I did the same thing at baseball and basketball and his other seasons of flag football so at least I am consistent. 

I do cheer for the other kids too, but I don't know their names so I yell "come on buddy" "run hard buddy" "you got this buddy" a lot.  I wonder if people think my son's name is Buddy.  Hmm, I should learn their names.

Watching baseball or football for most people isn't exactly fun. For most people the word brutal comes to mind.  But watching Aiden makes time fly by for me (unless it is freezing outside then time just stands still).  I love every second.  I enjoy watching him work hard and do his best.  He is all in the game (unless someone lets go of a balloon which floats into the sky, I mean EVERYONE needs to watch the balloon and see what will happen--even if a kid is running PAST you with the football) and this boy isn't usually "all in" to much.

He threw a touchdown pass last week, that was awesome to see.  It was his first true touch down pass and he executed it quite well.  He is definitely learning a lot and that is really fun to see.  If only he took school as seriously as he took sports!

Birthday

I love birthdays.  I like to think it is because they are significant to ones life.  They bring you awareness about how good your life has been.  They remind you that you have lived and continue to live each day.  They provide you time with family and friends that love you. 

To be honest...it is none of those reasons. I love birthdays because birthdays give me a day that is all about ME.  I love days that are all about me.  I like to think that I am not a selfish person but I am.  I hide candy so I don’t have to share it with my young children; ‘hello, my name is Whitney Selfish Barrentine’. 

I love birthdays because that means people are thinking about you and go out of their way to make you feel special and important.  Doesn’t everyone want to feel special?  Doesn’t everyone want to feel important?  Please tell me the answer is yes… otherwise I might need therapy. 

I can say that I turned 32 and I don’t feel a day over 25.  I feel young and always have.  I hope that always stays with me.  Sometimes when I am with Aiden and Sloane I wonder how I am even old enough to have kids this “old”. Then I remember that I am not 25….duh.

I love being in my 30’s.  It feels good to say my age.  I am happy and healthy (minus my candy addiction). I feel beautiful (thanks to my amazing husband who tells me that daily…my friends get a BIT annoyed of my constant reminders I give them about my beauty). I am confident in who I am as a person (if you don’t like me, leave me). I am also aware of all my annoying qualities (yes, I know that I have a short temper and I think I am always right….I am working on that ---I am actually not, but I should).  I am a good mom (I work on this daily, my patience is short, but at the end of the day I know that I get better every day and I get to start over tomorrow). I am a good wife (I have a husband who makes this very easy for me). 

So to say birthdays are special is an understatement.  I love birthdays.  I love celebrating them with people and I love being celebrated!  It only happens once a year so I gotta eat it up while I can!

sundays....bum days

Sundays make me lazy.  Lazy as all get out.  It is awful.

Mom, Madison, and Colton have been here all week.  It has been short of magical! The kids played all week long.  Sloane and Madison play and it melts my heart.  Colton follows Aiden around and copies everything he does...I love it!  Watching these four play takes me back to my childhood with Coleman, Leslie, Micki and Danielle.  I loved every second of it.

My house was a constant mess, which is hard for me to handle, but it was totally worth it. The kids had a blast and I had even more fun watching them. 

Madison laid in bed with me one evening and I realized how grown she is. She talks to me like an adult and acts so mature.  She is such a sweet girl and is an amazing sister to Colton and just worries and works with him all day.  Madison has grown up to be an amazing kid.  I could only be so lucky to have Sloane act like her.  I miss seeing her all the time.  I miss her laugh.  I love that girl!! (PS. She learned to ride a bike this week....AT ALMOST TEN YEARS OLD!)

Colton...well this little boy is something else.  He is strong willed like no kid I have ever met.  When he thinks one way, then by God it is going to be THAT way! He is a lover of all lovers.  He will give you kisses and hugs and smiles that melt your heart....but then can turn around a remind you why he is so ornery.  Colton is his father!

I miss these kids and hate that live so far away.  I hate that they moved to Texas, but love how wonderful they are!

Sundays are always hard for me...but especially today.  Not only did I have to take my two gems to their dads, I had to send off mom, Maddi, and Colton back to Texas.

Back to Reality

As a teacher I spend a lot of time off work.  I have every weekend and evening to my family.  I have lots of vacation time throughout the year off and the most important time I have off is SUMMER.  I have ALL summer off--which is really not ALL summer because we go back to school by August 1st....but still, you get what I mean.  I have time OFF to spend with my family doing whatever our hearts desire.  I will tell you summer is what makes me the most carefree.  It makes life better, easier, and just a lot more fun.

Summer is coming to an end, which makes my heart sad.  I know it is a little dramatic, but it is so very true.  It makes me sad.  I don't want to go back to reality.  I like carefree and easy.  There are times where my kids drive me bonkers, but it is worth every second of being home.

I need to find a school that is only in session from November through March.  THAT would be perfect for me!

On Thursday, the 31st, say a little prayer for my mood....it might not be pretty!

Tex

We welcomed a new family member to our family this week, Tex the dog.  Tex is a black lab mix, they say he has Sharpei in him....but who really knows.  He was found when he was 11 months in Indianapolis and lived with a foster mom until we adopted him. 

He is a lovely little man.  He obeys.  He is potty trained.  He is crate trained.  He is calm. He is a wonderful dog.  He loves the kids.  He has a lot of hair. A lot of hair!

The only negative has been the amount of hair I have swept up over the last 5 days.  I am pretty sure I  could knit a sweater for every child in Fishers with the hair I have vacuumed. I love him though, so I don't actually mind it.

Tex loves to run with Kyle and walk with us non runners.  He loves to play chase and tug-o-war. He also loves treats.  We take him with us everywhere we go.  I love that!

We are excited to have this kid in our lives.  The kids LOVE him and we couldn't be happier.

Lake Life

We took a family vacation again this summer.  We went back to the lake in Arkansas and spent time toghether.  It was great.  The lake is magical.  We just a few things, which is what makes this trip so special. We go:

-on golf cart rides
-on boat rides
-cliff jumping
-wave running
-swimming
-play baseball
-play tennis
-tubing

There are a lot of things about the trip that I love, but the best part is watching how much fun the kids have.  They love it there!!  It fills my heart.  Especially Aiden, because Aiden doesn't always allow himself to have fun, but in Arkansas the boy goes buck wild.  He jumps cliffs, plays games, swims, eats like a cow, tubes, kills it on the wave runner.  He is brave....I love it! Sloane has so much fun too.  Kailyn loves everything about the lake, as does Bailey. It is so fun watching these kids (and us...we have a blast there too...which is why we go back and enjoy it for a week longer).

Cruelness of Life

"If I only knew then what I know now."

Sayings are annoying, especially the old timey ones that kind of make you want to punch someone in the throat.  Truth is they are annoying because they are true.  I don't like being slapped with reality. 

Kyle and I were talking at the lake (we had A LOT of time to talk) and we realized that the cruelest part of life is not knowing what you need to know until after it's needed.

At the age of 30 I became very confident and happy with who I am as a person.  I accepted me for me and it felt great.  I still worry about things I can't control, I still worry about people, and what people think....but all in all I am so happy with who I am as a person. I like myself.  I like me.  It took 30 years to get there and that is cruel.   Why couldn't I have felt like this at 14, or 19, or 23?  Do you know how much easier my teenage years would have been if I felt the way I feel now?

As a teenager so many kids happiness is based on others and how others make them feel. I watch Kailyn, who is 13, and I want to just take my 31 year old thoughts of me and make them hers.  I don't want her to base her happiness on how others see her, I want her to base her happiness on HER, nobody but her. She doesn't do this yet, but I hope that she learns this lesson far before 30.

I have these same thoughts for Sloane and Aiden.  I wonder what it will be like for Aiden as he grows.  I am a girl, not a boy, boys had cooties and were stinky so I have no concept for what being a teenage boy is like.  A teenage girl's life is hard.  It is so hard, only a teenage girl can get it. 

I am thankful for the me now.  I like her.  I think I am pretty awesome. I think I am really damn funny.  I am confident in myself.  I am thankful for finally knowing now what I wish I had known then.

being a mom

The sun is finally shining in Indiana.  It took about 7.5 months to happen, but by God it is finally nice out!  We spent Memorial Day weekend IN THE POOL! It was better than Christmas morning!

The kids are fish.  They love to swim.  We spent probably close to 8 hours in the water between Sunday and Monday.  It was pretty magical!

Aiden got sunburned.  Badly… it is no ordinary sunburn!  I used sunscreen a few times….but apparently I wasn’t paying much attention and missed a section of his back/shoulder.  It is a pretty nasty burn (in one area of his back).  I like to think it took almost 7 years of being in the sun before I allowed the boy to get sunburned (we call that a win) but the burn is bad so I feel awful about it. 

When you are divorced and things like that happen you feel even worse than a “normal” parent.  Not only do you have to deal with the fact that you allowed him to get burned/hurt/(insert injury here) but you have to “explain yourself” to the other parent(s) in their life. 

You feel like the babysitter who has to explain the bumped head when the parents arrive home. 

When you are married, as a parent you just go through life living out the ins and outs together and you experience your mistakes as a team.  When you are divorced you experience them alone, therefore leaving you to appear as though the other parent “knows better” because it didn’t happen to them (this time). 

In all reality, shit happens.  You make mistakes, you screw up, you do stuff that you realize was stupid.  It is called life.  I will never do things perfectly with my kids and that is what makes me a good mom.  I experience things with my kids and sometimes things turn out a little rocky. They get sick, they get hurt, they get ear infections, they break an arm, they bump their knee, they bump their heads, and the list goes on.  That is parenting. If Sunday rolls around and someone didn’t get hurt then we didn’t leave the couch all week!

I clearly know now that spray sunscreen is super convenient but totally blows.  I also know that when I ask Aiden to put his swimsuit shirt on and he says the shirt is “not cool” that I should just TELL him to do it. 

My kids will get hurt in my lifetime….I wish I didn’t have to explain myself to other people, but here I sit, explaining myself to people.  Nobody gets to sit when their hands in their laps thinking, “see I am better and would never let that happen…” the reality is it does happen to every parent.  I just need to remind myself of that (often).

I have learned quickly not to judge other moms/dads.  Every kid is different.  Every kid handles things differently. Every parent is different.  Every parents handles things differently. 

Now I need to go rub some aloe on this kid!

celebrating a bride

My BFF from way back when is getting married in July.  Shelly is marrying her soul mate, her best friend... and let me tell you they are perfect for each other.  I used to be jealous of what she had with Grant until I found Kyle.  Now I am just overjoyed for her.  She loves him with all heart and you can see it in her eyes when she speaks of him, it is truly amazing. 

We threw her a shower (I didnt' do much, let's be honest....parties are not my thing) this past weekend.  She was stunning as usual.  She glows and I love that.  The best part about the shower was that I got to spend time with all the people that I have known since 1994....the year I moved here. 

I got to spend time with the people who know me inside and out and that is always a good feeling.  I don't make friends easily (in fact I think I have made 2 friends since I was in 6th grade...Lacey and Kathleen, you are very lucky people). Having friends for this long is rare and I have no doubts that our worlds will continue to be connected forever.

Shelly is a naturally beautiful soul inside and out.  She is truly passionate about things.  She is open and honest and wears her heart on her sleeve.  You know how she is feeling in any situation based on her facial expressions.  She is trustworthy and easy to talk to.  She  has been my shoulder to cry on and my rock to depend on for so many years.  No matter when I call, she is available and understanding.  A friendship like that doesn't come often and I am thankful that I have her.

I am excited to be celebrating her...not just for the wedding and the party but because she is truly someone to celebrate.  Cheers to Shelly for being a good friend and continuing
to be herself after 20 years of friendship!

Proud Mama

This past weekend was a big weekend for Aiden and Sloane!

I will start with Aiden.  Aiden had a rough start to the week at school (a couple yellow days here and there) and had to sit out during the first inning of his VERY FIRST baseball game as punishment.  I think this punishment was as hard on me as it was on him. After the game his coach told him he needed him to do good at school because he needs him to be able to play….the same conversation that we have had with Aiden (a million times over).  The next couple of days at school Aiden did GREAT….even had a BLUE day (and let me tell you that doesn’t happen often).  On Saturday he had another game and did great! Had 2 RBIs, 4 runs, got a guy out on first after an excellent play….he just did REALLY well (yes, I am bias)! At the end of the game one player is awarded the game ball and my little Aiden got the game ball! I cried (behind my sunglasses, b/c that is what I do….I am a crier). I was incredibly proud of him, not for getting the game ball, but for doing well.  For trying harder at school.  For working his tail off at baseball.  For being proud of himself.  I saw a little fire in his eyes after that game….it was amazing!

Sloane also had a big weekend; it was recital weekend!  She works from January until April on her recital dance and May 4^th was her big day.  Saturday was rehearsal and she did great.  She sat patiently waiting on the other dancers…it is solid entertainment (most of the time). On Sunday was the actual performance.  She had a lot of family come watch.  I stayed backstage with her the whole time (I am a helicopter mom, I am ok with it). She got her little self up on stage and danced her heart out! She smiled and danced and smiled some more.  She is a natural star (again, I am bias). At the end she went up and sang the final song with all the other dancers and did a great job, once again.  At the very end she got a TROPHY….she couldn’t have been more excited.  Sloane really becomes a little star when she is in the spotlight.  She takes it very seriously; it is pretty much amazing to watch.  I cried the whole time she danced (people think I am crazy, it’s ok).  

This weekend was a big weekend for my little people, which made it a big weekend for their mama.  I am very proud to be able to call them my kids.  I love how happy they are when they are in their zones.  It makes me feel like I have done a lot of things right with them (to at least counteract all the things I have done wrong).  Being a mom doesn’t come with a handbook, it should! Seeing your kids smile makes all the wrongs right in the world.  I am very lucky to have Aiden and Sloane as my own!

Sloane dresses herself....

I love having a daughter.  It is so much fun.  Sloane is just the right amount of girl with the right amount of rough.

She has begun to dress herself each morning.  She picks her clothes out the night before.  Holds them up, throws them on the ground, and goes back for something new. This happens around 6 times before she finds just the right mix of leggings, dress, skirt, shirt, or cardigan.  It is funny to watch, but my blood boils as clothes fly off the hangers and land on the ground.  This girl is OBSESSED with clothes.  She changes at least 3 times a day and always ends up in a fancy dress and high heel shoes (thanks Lacey).

Everyday she wants to wear a dress and boots.  Fancy pink cowboy boots that she got for her birthday from my dad and step-mom.  She LOVES them.  I have to help her see that she does have other options for shoes......usually my words are not accepted.

Every night she starts with what shoes she wants to wear then picks her outfits from there.  I have bought her a million pairs of pants in hopes that she will choose (just one day) one pair to wear.  It doesn't happen...ever.  I have bribed her before, but that doesn't work because by the time the morning roles around she forgets the bribe and throws a fit because she wants to wear a dress.

I stand over her while she chooses her outfits to be a voice of reason for her.  I feel like if I don't she is going to come out looking like a clown.  She loves patterns....patterns on her pants, patterns on her top, patterns on her skirt, patterns on her socks (which have to be on JUST right... or else), patterns on her bow. She wants patterns everywhere and well this just can't happen (not everyday at least).  So I try to help guide (push) her to what looks good.

To be honest sometimes I am amazed at what she puts together.  I think it looks cute or I am blinded by her cuteness because Kyle will look at me with pure confusion as to why we are going in public with the smallest mismatched human on earth.

Winter was good because she had to wear a coat over all the crazyiness ... but those days (thankfully) are coming to an end! And Sloane is joining the world in all her crazy.  She definitley feels confident in her clothes, so I will jsut stand there and let it be.  It has taken 4 years, 1 month, and 16 days for me to let go of wanting to pick out all of her outfits (that is a lie, I haven't let go).  It is kind of nice to let her be her and watch what she comes up with.

I vow to always be her voice of reason.....ALWAYS.

The other day we went to the park and she had tennis shoes, lace leggings, a frilly skirt, a nike shirt that says "flyer than most", and pig tails.  It was something else.  I looked at her and told Kyle that I thought she looked cute, at that moment I realized that love really does blind you!

Side note: I wanted to post a picture to prove my words, but I found that ALL wacky outfits put together by Sloane are photographed in black and white!!!! I am smarter than I know!

Amanda and Dan

I have written about Amanda before.  Her and her husband are currently adopting three kids from the DRC (Democratic Republic of Congo).  At this moment they are in Africa spending a week with their three children.  Three children that see Amanda and Dan as mom and dad, but can't go home with them.  I have been overwhelmed with empathy for what is going on many times over the last year but more recently the last few days. 

This experience has shown me what true perseverance looks like. There is a very slim chance that Amanda and Dan will be able to bring their three children home with them and I just can't wrap my head around how that will feel.  Amanda and I spoke a lot prior to going (as usual I was super helpful by saying "I just don't know......I can't imagine....this is so hard"), but there is really no way to prepare yourself for that.  They will get to come home to their two biological children, but that in no way can ease the pain of leaving their adoptive children.  They fly home Sunday, so all I ask is that by the grace of God they are able to leave that country with three children in tow.  I pray that this happens for them and it is easy and painless for all parties involved.

Amanda has updated us throughout their trip, which is wonderful because it makes us feel like we are a part of this long awaited trip.  I cry with every post and every comment.  I indulge in every video and every picture posted a million times over.  My kids are excited to meet these children. It only makes sense to bring them HOME, but life is never that simple.

I want to say that I will forever be changed by the this Amanda and Danny.  They really have no idea how their passion to become adoptive parents has changed all of those close to them. This has been the most brutal fight that they NEVER dreamed of having, and yet they are sitting in the DRC holding those kids as I type this.  That is perseverance, that is passion, that is love, and that is hope.  It is something amazing.  Something I can't put into words. 

I pray that you get off that plane with your three kids so that your life can be complete and you can begin to live. 

why? why? why? why? why?

Aiden has a discovered a word that is going to be the end of me....no, it's not some bad word or mean word, it is the word WHY?!!!

He asks "why" to everything.

It is time for dinner. "Why?"
We need to do your homework. "Why?" (now that I kinda get...notice I said "we" do homework....yeah I thought I'd never have to do homework again....wrong)
He is 21 (talking about someones age). "Why?" (I mean, really!?!?)
Do you want to go see that Bears movie? "Why?"
You have a football game Sunday. "Why?"
We need to get home so we can get dinner ready. "Why?" (son, I JUST told you why....)

That word is so annoying.  There really are no words to compare a curious 6 year old and the use of "Why?".  He asks it with everything, relevant or not.

I do love his curiosity.....I am just trying to be positive, it is flat out awful.  Not gonna be sad when this "stage" ends.

Sports have taken over the world......

SO many things going on….I can’t keep it all together.  I have decided I need to place a bet on what day I will finally NOT show up to something I am supposed to be at because I have overbooked my life so much. 

Aiden is playing baseball and football right now.  Not a big deal, I thought.  Football is every Sunday for about 2 hours.  Baseball is every second of every day.  Why have I done this to myself.  He has practice on Monday, a games on Wednesday and Thursday, practice on Saturday.  Oh but that is just this week, next week it will be practice different days and games different days.  I can’t keep it straight.  I am an organized soul too.  I love having to do lists…but only if it means I get to go shopping to buy things to complete my list. 

Aiden loves it, so I will only complain to my blog (and all my fine readers J).

Sloane is in dance on Thursdays and gymnastics on Tuesdays.  What makes her schedule easy is it is consistent.  Before today my kids have never played a sport where I can’t predict what is going to happen on a future date.  This has been an eye opening experience for this mom!

I can’t make plans.  I can’t make commitments….it is just so much pressure!

Yes, I am being dramatic.  It isn’t that bad.  Watching them play their sports and do their thing outweighs any burden it may have caused on my life.  I signed up for this and love being able to watch their accomplishments. 

Every month seems to bring on new territories as parent.  I wouldn’t trade any of it and I wouldn’t want to do it any differently than I do.  I love my job as a mom and I love my kids (minus their inability to listen)!

Marathon winner

You would have thought that Kyle didn't finish the marathon b/c I have been a slacker!

He not only finished but he kicked it's ass!  He would say he didn't do well at all.  He would say that it was awful.  He would say that he is disappointed in his time.  I kindly disagree!  He set a goal to run a marathon and he did it.  He ran a marathon that most people could never do.  Arkansas is what you call HILLY.  Indiana (where he trained) is what you call FLAT.  He couldn't properly train for the hills for Arkansas because we live in the flattest state on the planet. 

Around mile 16 his calves and ankles were killing him.  I will admit he didn't look happy like he did at mile 11...but he rocked out the last 10.2 miles like a champ!

I am very proud to call him my husband.  He continues to amaze me on a daily basis.  Experiencing things like this together bring us even closer and I love that.  The man is a badass, he won't admit it, but I will!

Marathon Man

Kyle is running in a marathon right now.  Naturally, I worry about him, becuase I am a worrier (it is what I do best).  He is insanely athletic...I am insanely not. 

I am always amazed at someones ability to run.  I feel like my heart is going to beat out of my chest, then I start sweating, then my side starts to hurt, then I quit. 

He is an incredible man for many reasons....but being able to run a marathon (again) is one of the many reasons he continues to blow my mind. 

Here is the BEFORE pic......

Life is Short

Aiden and Slaone’s great aunt Jeannie died suddenly yesterday.  She was 49.  I am reminded anytime someone dies how short life can be.  How quickly things can go away, disappear, forever be gone.  It breaks my heart to know that her son, who is 19, will never get to hug is mom again.  That her husband, who has loved her unconditionally for over 30 years, will never get to lay next to his wife in bed. 

Jeannie was an amazing woman and was so accepting to every person she met.  She accepted me into her family and loved my kids like they were her own.  Jeannie was also very supportive of me through my entire divorce from Rac, never judged me and continued to send me emails and notes even when I wasn’t considered her family any longer.  She truly was a great person. Jeannie loved her son, Chandler, who was born premature weighing in at 2 pounds at birth.  This kid was truly her pride and joy.  She posted about him weekly on facebook, how proud she was of him and how happy he made her.  Chandler will forever know that his mother truly felt proud to be his mom.  Thankfully she told him, often.

When someone dies you are reminded how quickly things happen.  You are reminded how quickly life can change and become totally different.  One day you are smiling and the next day you are not.  Your world is altered in such a way that you don’t know how to pick up the pieces.  Nobody can make things better. Nobody can offer words of wisdom.  Nobody can take away the pain that is now a part of your life.

Many people turn to Religion. Many people wait for peace. Many people just play the “it didn’t happen” game.  However one chooses to deal with death is their choice.

One person can never compare their experiences with those of another, because every person experiences things in such a different way.  There is no comfort in hearing other peoples stories and the only comfort comes from telling your own. 

Death is a reminder to love fully, everyday.  To hug tightly, every chance you get.  And to speak kindly, at all times. 

My thoughts have been with and will continue to be with Jeannie and her family.